The_Amazing_Mechanical_WifeGGBOOKMOBI TT*T:TJTZTjTzTT T T 4 MOBI  d R  EXTHp,4 @@@@   PThe Amazing Mechanical Wife

The Amazing Mechanical Wife

By

David E. Hughes

To: ultratec.customer.service@ultratec.com

From: TheodoreBlasky@visioncom.net

Subject: Final Purchase Commitment

Date: February 17, 2335

After a six-month trial period, Ive decided that Im thoroughly satisfied with your product. Last night, I asked Andra to marry me. Im sure the proposal was a mere formality, with Andra having no choice but to agree with this business arrangement, but I must admit I felt a certain flush of excitement when she said yes and accepted my down payment in the form of a 1-carat diamond solitaire from Slow Eddies Diamond Emporium.

I realize the withdrawals shell make from my bank account on your behalf will be stiff, but at this point I feel itll be a wise investment.

Three points about your program deserve special praise:

  1. Ultratecs Electronic Matching Service allowed me to find the product that best matched my needs without ever leaving my home.

  1. Your extended trial program, where Andra and I arranged for mutually convenient times to interact, was easy and convenient. No middle man or high pressure sales tactics were involved. Although, toward the end, Andra began to drop hints that my time for a trial period was running out, that was only to be expected. After all, business is business.

  1. Finally, I appreciate that you have programmed Andra in a manner that makes her indistinguishable from a human female. When I display behavior patterns that would elicit a positive response in a woman, I get a positive response from Andra. In fact, I quickly discovered the less I say about her true nature, the better.

MegaNet Electronic Chat Session

Date: February 18, 2335

Andra U. Techan: Logged On

Marianne Roberts: Logged On

Andra: Are you sitting down?

Marianne: im at my computer keyboard--what do you think?

Andra: Get ready for this. Theo asked me to marry him last night!!!!!

Marianne: really? the guy with theunfortunate mole?

Andra: No, silly. Theo is the toothpaste factory foreman.

Marianne: i remember. the guy u met on the Net w/the unhealthy interest in science fiction.

Andra: Yeah, thats the one. I thought he had a weird sense of humor when we first started dating, but he turned out to be a nice guy. I mean, really nice.

Marianne: u said yes?

Andra: Of course. The weddings in June. Youll be my maid of honor right?

Marianne: were talking about the same guy who asked you if you had an off button on your first date? the guy who wanted to know if you actually had a bowel movement when you got back from the bathroom?

Andra: Come on! Dont be such a sour puss! Hes a nice guy. So what if he has a quirky sense of humor?

Marianne: he must be REALLY good in bed.

Andra: Sex isnt that important to me.

Marianne: dont play prude w/me--spill it. does he have an exquisite piece of manhood that you just cant live w/out?

Andra: I swear youre terrible! Its really not like that at all. Hes a man of conservative values.

Marianne: omg! R you saying youre gonna marry the man and you havent even taken him for a test ride? listen to me. a generous amount of alcohol and a really skimpy outfit will overcome conservative values. u dont want to marry the guy and find out hes a dud in the sack. hell, ive dumped guys just because they sweat too much during sex.

Andra: Ill keep your pearl of wisdom in mind. Do you ever think about anything other than sex? Never mind. What do ya say--will you be my maid of honor?

Marianne: what are best friends for? course i will!

To: ultratec.customer.service@ultratec.com

From: TheodoreBlasky@visioncom.net

Subject: Customer Satisfaction

Date: July 2, 2335

Im pleased to report that, once again, your product has exceeded my expectations. I must admit I had my doubts about whether she would perform adequately in the area of intimate relations. Id always suspected that this level of function would be difficult to program, primarily because of the essentially animal nature of the interaction. However, Andra proved during our honeymoon that it could be done.

I dont know how you managed to make her blue eyes so deep, her brunette hair so silky thick, her skin so creamy soft, and her breasts so perky, but I dont care! The point is, your product is a triumph. Ive never been happier.

I also was pleased to observe that the strictures of her inherent nature were softened when we reached a certain level of intimacy.

MegaNet Electronic Chat Session

Date: July 2, 2335

Andra T. Blasky: Logged On

Marianne Roberts: Logged On

Marianne: so you decided to come back from your honeymoon.

Andra: God, I wish I didnt have to! We had a wonderful time! Id never been outside of Earths atmosphere before, so I didnt know what to expect when Theo booked the lunar cruise. But it was spectacular! The stars were so bright and clear when we walked the deck, and there were so many things to do: swimming, the low-grav spa, hologames, gambling. I could go on and on.

Marianne: sounds dreamy. what about the sex?

Andra: Marianne!

Marianne: come on! Spill it. Theo couldnt have been that much of a flop. i have to admit he looked pretty good in his tux at the wedding. so tell me, did you run your hands through his mousey brown hair? gaze into his hazel eyes? wrap yourself in those long, skinny arms? or did u concentrate on his remarkably tight butt.

Andra: LOL! You are a hoot! I guess if I had to describe the sex, Id say it was goodbut weird.

Marianne: promising. tell me. does he have a strange fetish like that guy i dated who was obsessed w/my ankles? omg! the things he did!

Andra: No, it wasnt that. Remember on that first date he made all those weird jokes about me being an android?

Marianne: o no!

Andra: Well, his idea of sex talk was kinda the same thing. When we started getting into it, he started talking about my pleasure programming and realistic flesh.

Marianne: my god! what did you do?

Andra: At first I was shocked, but then I thought, what the hell? Were behind closed doors. Ill give him what he wants. So, I became his pleasure robot and it got pretty wild after that. He liked it so much he made me play that role every night.

Marianne: i cant believe it! i didnt think u had it in u.

Andra: Im full of surprises.

To: ultratec.customer.service@ultratec.com

From: TheodoreBlasky@visioncom.net

Subject: Customer Complaint

Date: November 13, 2335

Im sorry to report that Ive found some flaws in your product. Although I still find Andra to be a worthwhile investment, I feel compelled to report problems that you may wish to address when developing your next prototype:

1.      Andra is much more expensive than I anticipated. The amount of money she spends on personal needs is astounding! She also withdraws money from my bank account on what appears to be a monthly basis. I assume she is forwarding this to you for payment because I have not received any invoices from you.

2.      More significantly, she has begun talking about having children. Of course, this is absurd. Why would you put a procreation impulse in a machine that cannot procreate? Are you planning to introduce a line of android children? No, thanks! I cant imagine what youd charge for those!

MegaNet Electronic Chat Session

Date: June 28, 2336

Andra T. Blasky: Logged On

Marianne Roberts: Logged On

Marianne: whats going on w/u? i havent heard from u in weeks.

Andra: Im sorry. I just havent been in the mood for chit-chat.

Marianne: that doesnt sound like you.

Andra: I guess Im depressed.

Marianne: why? last i heard everything was going great! Theo got the promotion at the toothpaste factory and you moved into that beautiful two-bedroom townhome.

Andra: I know. I know. I should be happy with what I have but its just. Oh, this is hard to say--I cant get pregnant. I think Im sterile.

Marianne: i didnt even know u were trying! last time we talked about that u said Theo wasnt crazy about the idea of having kids.

Andra: He still isnt. Hes told me flat out he doesnt want any, but heres the thing. I told him maybe we should just try it without birth control for a while and see what happens and he was totally fine with that! He made some remark about if I got pregnant it would be some sort of twisted second coming. What do you think he meant by that? Maybe he really does want to have kids but he cant bring himself to say so.

Marianne: who knows what he was talking about? lets face it, men are deranged. they act especially bizarre when it comes to the subject of having kids.

Andra: But he seemed so CONFIDENT that I couldnt get pregnant.

Marianne: look, if youre so worried, why dont u go to a doctor and get it checked out? maybe its Theo w/the problem.

Andra: No. I dont trust doctors, especially when it comes to private matters.

Marianne: i swear. sometimes you can be so strange. it cant be any worse than my last doctors visit. he unzipped and gave me a little present for my 35th birthday. still, Ive got another appointment in a year. at least he has a light touch (2 bad hes married!)

Andra: LOL. you always manage to cheer me up when Im in the dumps. I promise Ill be better about scheduling chat sessions. Who knows? Maybe next time Ill be consulting you on baby names.

To: ultratec.customer.service@ultratec.com

From: TheodoreBlasky@visioncom.net

Subject: Payment Plan

Date: December 23, 2336

I am sorry to inform you that you will be receiving lower payments than in the past because Ive told Andra she has to cut back on her spending. I lost my job recently, and I anticipate that my search for new employment may take some time. If you decide you wish to reclaim the merchandise as a result of this decision, so be it. Frankly, Andra is starting to get on my nerves.

MegaNet Electronic Chat Session

Date: February 2, 2337

Andra T. Blasky: Logged On

Marianne Roberts: Logged On

Andra: I dont know what to do! Im so miserable. Theo has completely lost it!

Marianne: im all ears, chica. whats up?

Andra: You know how I told you a while back that Theo started acting a little strange when he lost his job?

Marianne: yeah, but all men do that. they venerate their jobs and their penises the same way.

Andra: Its so much worse. He keeps asking me if Im programmed for non-domestic functions and warning me if I dont earn my keep the company is going to reclaim me.

Marianne: he does have a strange sense of humor. maybe its his way of coping.

Andra: I thought that at first, but I found some notes he made on the computer about *Resale Value of Domestic Androids.* I dont think hes joking anymore.

Andra: Im starting to wonder if he EVER was joking. He thinks Im an android!

Marianne: omg, maybe he really is losing it! youd better find him a job, quick.

Andra: I wish I could, but the prospects dont look good. Ive sent out a few inquiries about getting a job for myself, just in case.

Marianne: well, hang in there, kid. maybe this whole thing will blow over, and, if not, itll be just like old times. u and me out on the town. single men w/some semblance of good looks, beware!

To: ultratec.customer.service@ultratec.com

From: TheodoreBlasky@visioncom.net

Subject: Merchandise Return

Date: April 17, 2337

I am relinquishing all claims of ownership on Andra. She moved out of my home, and Ive severed all financial ties with her. If you wish to reclaim your merchandise, Im sure you have some way of locating it.

For future reference, you may wish to soften the products sensitivity to its true nature. Although I understand the need to make your product as realistic as possible, Andras stubborn insistence that she is not, in fact, an android ultimately led to our separation. She completely lost control when I offered to prove her true identity by making a small incision in her abdomen with my buck knife (which Im sure could have been easily repaired by your technicians).

MegaNet Electronic Chat Session

Date: April 21, 2337

Andra U. Techan: Logged On

Marianne Roberts: Logged On

Andra: Its finally over. The divorce is final and Im moved out. Im just ready to put that nightmare behind me now.

Marianne: so Theos officially available now? do u have his #?

Andra: Marianne!

Marianne: u know ive always had a thing for dangerous, delusional psychotics! (kidding!). so, sounds like youre doing okay.

Andra: Yes. My new apartments not too bad, and get thisI have a job!

Marianne: Really? w/who?

Andra: Some company called Ultratec. Im not even sure I understand what they do. Very high tech stuff. Anyway, they want me to work in their prototype enhancement division, whatever that is. Still, the pays good and they sound like nice people.

Marianne: sounds great! maybe after work tomorrow we can go out on the town, maybe find some men

Andra: Gee, thanks, but Im not sure Im ready for that.

Marianne: why not? at least youll know that no matter who you end up w/hell be a 75% improvement over your ex.

Andra: Only 75%?

Marianne: well, u did say the sex was good.

FLISAFCIS